What were the main areas of weakness pointed out by the peer-reviewers?

  

Write: Based on the feedback you received in Week Three during the peer-review process, as well as the feedback you received from your instructor and your classmates throughout the course, address the following in your post:Describe the main areas of your paper that you need to work on as well as areas that your reviewers felt you did well on.How will/did you remedy any areas of weakness in your paper?Did your reviewer feel you did a solid job addressing your purpose in the personal essay?Did you effectively reach your audience? Why, or why not?The peer review is below:GENERAL What did the writer do well in the essay? Please be specific.This writer has a clear essay with some good details to support his main idea. The writer kept my attention throughout the essay by keeping things simple and descriptive.THESIS How does the writer indicate that it will be a personal essay? Is there a clear thesis? Describe how features of the essay and thesis work and/or need work. Because the writer is writing based upon his personal experience with the park, I feel that the essay is personal. The thesis is clear and it gives actual facts about the location at which the writer is talking about. The thesis is about Yellowstone Park and the feature describes the park from the size to whats in it. This essay tells me how the park looks, how special it is and how attached the writer is to it. Do all major points relate back to the thesis statement? In short, does the writer seem to go off topic in places? If so, how? (In other words, is the paper unified and are all points related?) If not, suggest ways to correct. Yes, the writer kept everything based on just Yellowstone Park and he stays on the thesis though out the essay.ORGANIZATION/STRUCTURE List the use of transition words and phrases that show chronology or shifts in topic. Are additional transitions needed? If so, where?I wouldnt say that the essay is in chronology order but it may shift because of the words he used such as he likes the park, first because of the size, and then he jumps to consequently. Overall I think he did a job. Indicate where the writer uses features like concrete language, tone, or abstract language effectively. In the essay second and third paragraphs, the writer uses concrete language to describe what he saw about the park. Does the writer provide enough description, dialogue or narration so that you can easily infer the thesis or controlling idea for the essay? Where might the writer include more dialogue, narration, or description? Yes, there were a lot of descriptions throughout this essay I dont think the writer needs to add any more.EDITING Suggest at least one item the writer might add to this essay.More details about why you choose this topic other than the description of the park. Suggest at least one item the writer might remove from this essay.I wouldnt remove anything and I enjoyed it.CONCLUSION Is the concluding paragraph effective? If so, why? If it is not effective, what can be done?It is effective but the writer needs to add more information as to why he suggests the readers visit this park. The conclusion needs to be pop a little more to leave the Yellowstone Park on their minds.

anything from this essay as it is well-written. However, the writer could benefit from adding more personal reflections or insights about their experience at Yellowstone National Park to make the essay more engaging.

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Introduction:

When it comes to writing an essay, it is often beneficial to receive feedback from others to improve the quality of your work. In Week Three, the writer received constructive criticism from their peers, as well as their instructor and classmates, throughout the course of their personal essay. In this post, we will be taking a closer look into the writer’s overall feedback and examine their areas of strength and weakness. Additionally, we will evaluate how the writer remedied any weak areas, discuss their success in addressing the purpose of the essay, and evaluate if they effectively reached their intended audience.

Description:

During the peer-review process, reviewers provided constructive criticism to the writer on various aspects of their essay. The general consensus was that the writer provided a clear and descriptive essay that effectively conveyed their personal experience at Yellowstone National Park. The writer successfully included good details to support their main idea and kept the readers engaged throughout the entire essay. However, one area of improvement could be using more personal reflections or insights to make the essay more engaging. The thesis was clear and the major points related back to it effectively throughout the essay. Regarding organization and structure, the writer used transition words and phrases to indicate shifts in topic and kept the content focused on the thesis. The essay also effectively used concrete language and descriptions to paint a vivid picture of Yellowstone National Park. Overall, the feedback was positive, and the writer can focus on adding more personal touches to their essay to enhance its effectiveness.

anything from this essay as it is well-written and informative.

Objectives:
1. Identify areas of weaknesses in a personal essay based on peer review feedback.
2. Evaluate how to improve areas of weaknesses in a personal essay.
3. Analyze feedback from peer review to identify strengths in a personal essay.
4. Assess the effectiveness of a personal essay in addressing its purpose and reaching its target audience.
5. Use concrete language, tone, and description effectively in a personal essay.
6. Revise a personal essay based on peer review feedback to improve its overall quality.

Learning Outcomes:
1. Students will be able to identify specific improvements needed in their personal essays based on peer review feedback.
2. Students will be able to develop a plan for addressing areas of weakness in their personal essays.
3. Students will be able to recognize strengths in their personal essays based on feedback from peer review.
4. Students will be able to evaluate whether a personal essay is effective in addressing its purpose and reaching its target audience.
5. Students will be able to use concrete language, tone, and description in a personal essay to effectively convey their message to the reader.
6. Students will be able to revise and improve the quality of their personal essays based on peer review feedback.

anything from this essay as the details given were necessary to support the writer’s main idea.

Solution 1: Improving the Chronology and Transitions

Based on the peer review feedback, one area that needs improvement is the chronology and transitions of the essay. Even though the writer used some transition words to shift topics, the essay can still be confusing for the reader to follow. To remedy this, the writer can revise the essay by outlining the main ideas and presenting them in a logical order that follows a clear timeline. The use of additional transition words and phrases can also be added to ensure a smooth transition between ideas.

Solution 2: Adding Personal Connection and Dialogue

Another possible solution is to add more personal connection and dialogue in the essay. Though the writer provided good descriptions and details about the park, there was a lack of personal connection to the writer’s experience. To remedy this, the writer can incorporate more dialogue or narration about their experience in the park, explaining what makes it special to them. This will allow the reader to better connect with the writer and their perspective.

Suggested Resources/Books:
1. “On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft” by Stephen King – This book provides valuable insights into the craft of writing and can help improve the quality of one’s writing.
2. “The Elements of Style” by William Strunk Jr. and E.B. White – This classic guide to writing provides clear and concise advice on grammar and style.
3. “The Art of Personal Essay” by Phillip Lopate – This book offers guidance on how to write compelling personal essays like the one mentioned in the feedback.

Similar Asked Questions:
1. What tips can you offer to improve the organization and structure of a personal essay?
2. How can writers effectively incorporate concrete language into their writing to make it more descriptive?
3. What are some common mistakes writers make when editing their own work, and how can they be avoided?
4. How can writers ensure that they are effectively communicating their purpose and reaching their intended audience in a personal essay?
5. What are some effective techniques for improving the coherence and unity of a personal essay?

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